I Was Your Age Twice - Humor

Sex Smells

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 09:08:15 -0500

I loved this headline and enjoyed the article...

Sex Smells from FoxNews (yes, I frequent that site AND channel).

My favorite quote:

Men have a less discriminating nose: every smell boosted sexual arousal. Perfumes increased arousal by a mere 3 percent, cheese pizza by 5 percent, and a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie by 40 percent.

HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 17:28:01 -0500

Received via email.

1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "George W. Bush"

Happy Birthday, OldGuy

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 19:13:26 -0500

I'm sure I won't be awake at midnight to post this, so gotta get it in tonight before I pass out.

Some funny quotes from George Burns to make you laugh :)

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

An example of true WISDOM

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 07:50:21 -0500

From BBC News:

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

A creepy ring thing for the dearly divorced

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 10:27:22 -0500

Are you unhappily married ever after?

I think they should be asking if you are "happily divorced" instead of "unhappily married."

Well, for those couples who are undergoing the often-painful process of divorce, here a one small way to bury your past: A tiny "coffin" to lay to rest your now-useless wedding rings.

What to do with a monster....

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 16:19:19 -0500

If by chance you should end up with a monster in your house, this little girl has some pretty good advice on what to do with it. Enjoy!

Don't Tease Old Ladies!!!!

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 14:03:32 -0600

Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Valentine's Man Law

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 14:15:23 -0600

From an email:

So here I am at work listening to the whining of single bitches in my office piss and moan about not being able to find a nice single guy.

Off Topic Note: Every year this Valentines thing gets a little worse - it used to be you could get away with a box of chocolates, some flowers - now it's like Christmas.

Having been a nice guy and now having been hooked up for a while, Honey, I have a few words for you - WAKE THE FUCK UP!

Off the Record

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 10:18:22 -0600

From Kyra Gottesman, who writes a weekly column for the Oroville Mercury-Register:

In any case, I have been, I admit, a bit distracted by the steady march of time across my face — it walks with cleated combat boots, I'm tellin' ya — and the pull — yank, really — of gravity on my body. You'd think with all the high tech gizmos out there some one at Vickie's Secret, Bali or any number of other 'women's foundation' companies would have invented matching sets — in lace, satin and silk — of anti-gravity bras and panties. But, they seem interested only in creating lovely supporting lingerie for women who, well, don't need any support.

The Daddy Wears Prada

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 09:23:12 -0600

From the L.A. Times columnist Chris Erskine:

By gawd, it'll be interesting watching us baby boomer guys grow older. First, we have all the usual traits of the gracefully aging male — forgetfulness, lust, anger, lust, midlife crises and a certain I'm-afraid-of-nothing sensibility that makes a man highly attractive to every member of the opposite sex, except perhaps his own wife.

When Good Cows Go Mad

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 08:40:08 -0600

2007: A biotechnology company in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, breeds cattle that are immune to mad cow disease. A relieved beef industry pours funding into the lab.

2008: Mad-cow-immune cows become the standard for livestock, but it is discovered that their prion-resistant brains have given them a primitive, sinister intelligence. Farmhand kickings, rodeo clown gorings and milkmaid stompings rise 400 percent. A few of the cows escape into the wild, making capture difficult. The government decides to sow biogenetically engineered grasses in their grazing areas, grasses that will release deadly spores into their systems.

Women Over 40 ~ Andy Rooney

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 00:23:09 -0600

I received this from my mother in email. You have probably seen this before but I loved it, had to post it.

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 -0600
n/a

Wilma finds mate and TV fame after makeover

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 13:12:51 -0500

After one old boar after another kept turning their snouts up at her, Wilma the Pig had a makeover -- and it turned her into a star.

She found a mate, had eight piglets and made a guest appearance on a television chat show in the UK hosted by Sharon Osbourne, the wife of rock star Ozzy.

Little Miss Sunshine

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 08:54:16 -0500

OldGuy says: Now, tell 'em about the movie we saw in Saint Louie.

Fox Searchlight Pictures bought the rights to this film and it might have been the smartest move they've ever made!