Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Police arrested a Michigan man for acting upon (I would say his abnormal fetish but I don't think any fetishes are classified as normal) his fetish yet again.

Ronald Dotson, 39, of Detroit, was sentenced to 18 months to 30 years on charges of breaking and entering and being a habitual criminal.

The story here

After one old boar after another kept turning their snouts up at her, Wilma the Pig had a makeover -- and it turned her into a star.

She found a mate, had eight piglets and made a guest appearance on a television chat show in the UK hosted by Sharon Osbourne, the wife of rock star Ozzy.

RUSE, Bulgaria, Oct. 3 (UPI) -- A Bulgarian woman's life may have been saved by her silicone breast implants, which functioned as built-in airbags when she was in a car crash.

She did, however, lose the implants, which burst, the newspaper Standart reported.

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the "Tickle Me Elmo" toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

Recieved via email.

Man's Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password or something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.

Received via email.

There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning,

Received via email

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

MUSKEGON HEIGHTS, Michigan (AP) -- A woman who feared she would lose her boyfriend while she recuperated from surgery arranged for her 15-year-old daughter to have sex with him, authorities said.

Police said the three signed an agreement specifying the sexual services the girl would perform and the compensation she would receive, including clothing and body piercings. The 37-year-old man and the girl had sex about 20 times over two months, police said.

Those wacky Brits! Charity invites people to come to ‘masturbate-a-thon’
Reuters

Updated: 4:45 a.m. ET Aug 7, 2006
LONDON - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "masturbate-a-thon," a leading British reproductive health care charity said Friday.

Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday.

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to

• "Ithyphallophobia" is a morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.
  
• According to a survey of sex shop owners, cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least popular.
  
• In the Aztec culture avocados were considered so sexually powerful, virgins were restricted from contact with them.
  
• Marilyn Monroe, the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century, confessed to a friend that despite her three husbands and a parade of lovers, she had never had an orgasm.