A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the
imagination and bottling the common-sense....

Lust is when you love what you see.
Love is when you lust for what's inside....

Yes I may be fat... but you're ugly and stupid and I can always lose weight

Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!

You can call her an outdoor girl if she has the bloom of youth on her cheeks and the cheeks of youth in her bloomers.

Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult.

Love is my sword, goodness my armor, and humor my shield.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it.

Secret admirers make us believe things about ourselves that we always hoped were true.

Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.