Hall Of
A Dozen Gentle 'Thoughts for Today' as We Grow Older
Submitted by Sanura on Thu, 2008-08-07 19:18.
1. Ageing: eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
2. The easiest way to find something that's lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
3. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you?
4. A penny saved is a government oversight.
5. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
6. He who hesitates is almost certainly right.
7. Did you ever notice? The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL'.
8. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
9. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
10. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt..
11. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
12. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
Over Sixties One-liners
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. Friedrich Nietzsche
Hymns for the Over 60s
* Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up
* Just a Slower Walk with Thee
* Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up
* Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing
* Guide Me O Thou Great Lord God, I've Forgotten Where I've Left my Car
* Count Your Many Birthdays, Count Them One By One
* Blessed Insurance
* It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt
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