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Disclaimer

Submitted by OldGuy on Wed, 2005-12-28 18:55. FYI
  • No electrons were harmed in the making of this disclaimer.
  • Please read all instructions and warnings before use.
  • Must be 18 to enter.
  • Enter at your own risk.
  • Do not enter.
  • This product is meant for educational purposes only.
  • Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
  • Void where prohibited.
  • Some assembly required.
  • List each check separately by bank number.
  • Duplicate requests will constitute fraud.
  • Not responsible for typographical errors.
  • Batteries not included.
  • Contents are sold by weight; some settling may occur during shipping.
  • Use only as directed.
  • No other warranty expressed or implied.
  • Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel.
  • Warranty applies to original purchaser only.
  • Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
  • Postage will be paid by addressee.
  • Subject to CAB approval.
  • All representatives are still busy assisting other callers.
  • This is not an offer to sell securities.
  • Apply only to affected area.
  • May be too intense for some viewers.
  • Do not stamp.
  • Send Self Addressed Stamped Envelope
  • Use other side for additional listings.
  • Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you.
  • Please call back during our normal business hours.
  • For recreational use only.
  • Do not disturb.
  • Bridge freezes before road surface.
  • Stop, get ticket.
  • Right lane must turn right.
  • Left lane must turn left.
  • Middle lane can do whatever they feel like.
  • All models over 18 years of age.
  • If condition persists, consult your physician.
  • No user-serviceable parts inside.
  • Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
  • Subject to change without notice.
  • Times approximate.
  • Simulated picture.
  • No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
  • Do not put the base of this ladder on frozen manure.
  • Trucks over 4 tons included.
  • No hitchhiking.
  • Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
  • For off-road use only.
  • As seen on TV.
  • One size fits all.
  • (This space intentionally left blank)
  • Many suitcases look alike.
  • Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
  • Colors may, in time, fade.
  • Listen to your mom.
  • Eat your vegetables.
  • Wear your seatbelt.
  • We have sent the forms which seem right for you.
  • Slippery when wet.
  • Elvis has left the planet.
  • Kilroy was here.
  • For office use only.
  • Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
  • Drop in any mailbox.
  • Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
  • Edited for television.
  • Keep cool, process promptly.
  • Post office will not deliver without postage.
  • List was current at time of printing.
  • Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
  • Contains small parts and is not intended for use by children under the age of eighteen.
  • Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
  • At participating locations only.
  • Not the Beatles.
  • Penalty for private use.
  • See label for sequence.
  • Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
  • Do not write below this line.
  • Never eat anything bigger than your head.
  • Falling rock.
  • Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
  • Your cancelled check is your receipt.
  • Add toner.
  • Place stamp here.
  • Sanitized for your protection.
  • Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
  • This compact disc was originally recorded on analog equipment.
  • Sign here without admitting guilt.
  • Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.
  • Employees and their families are not eligible.
  • Beware of dog.
  • Beware of owner.
  • Beware of owl.
  • Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
  • Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.
  • Insert this end first.
  • You must be present to win.
  • No passes accepted for this engagement.
  • No purchase necessary.
  • Do not iron clothes on body.
  • Not a significant source of vitamins A or C.
  • Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
  • Shading within a garment may occur.
  • Use only in a well-ventilated area.
  • Return your seatback and tray table to their normal upright position.
  • Return your stewardess to her normal upright position.
  • Your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.
  • In the event of decreased air pressure, oxygen masks will pop out of something. Maybe.
  • Keep away from fire or flame.
  • Replace with same type.
  • Approved for veterans.
  • Booths for two or more.
  • Check here if tax deductible.
  • Some equipment shown is optional.
  • Price does not include taxes.
  • No Canadian coins.
  • Don't even think about parking here.
  • Not authorized for use as critical components in life support devices or systems.
  • Not recommended for children.
  • Prerecorded for this time zone.
  • Lather, rinse, repeat.
  • Product will be hot after heating.
  • Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.
  • Do not use while sleeping.Do not use on food.
  • Reproduction strictly prohibited.
  • No solicitors.
  • No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
  • No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
  • Restaurant package, not for resale.
  • List at least two alternate dates.
  • First pull up, then pull down.
  • Call toll free before digging.
  • No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop.
  • Driver does not carry cash.
  • Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.
  • Out to lunch.
  • Package sold by weight, not volume.
  • Not authorized for use as critical components in life support devices or systems.
  • Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.
  • Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
  • Some items in overhead bins may shift during flight.
  • Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop.
  • Refrigerate after opening.
  • Do not apply to broken skin.
  • Do not send cash.
  • Caution: flammable mixture.
  • Do not try this in your home or place of business; these are trained professionals.
  • Keep in locked storage area.
  • May be harmful to skin.
  • Webmaster is not responsible for items left, lost or stolen.
  • Do not distribute to minors.
  • Harmful if swallowed.
  • Do not spray animals.
  • Avoid contact with eyes.
  • Avoid contact with skin.
  • Avoid contact with clothing.
  • Avoid contamination of cooking utensils.
  • In case of eye contact, flush eyes with plenty of water.
  • Get medical attention if irritation persists.
  • Refrigerate after opening to help preserve flavor and aroma.
  • Follow coffee maker instructions.
  • Replace cap and discard container in trash.
  • Wash hands after use.
  • Cover or remove exposed foods.
  • You may distribute this disclaimer freely but you may not make a profit from it.
  • Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.
  • Caveat emptor.
  • Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat.
  • Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle this disclaimer.
  • No substitutions allowed.
  • For the comfort and safety of those around you, please no eating, smoking or flash photography.
  • This disclaimer has been modified from its original version; it has been formatted to fit your screen.
  • This disclaimer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted.
  • This disclaimer is provided "as is" without any warranties.
  • Reader assumes full responsibility.
  • This is an equal opportunity disclaimer.
  • Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
  • No shoes, no shirt, no service.
  • No shoes, no bra, no problem.
  • Quantities are limited while supplies last.
  • May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities.
  • If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to repair them yourself, but return to an authorized service center.
  • Read at your own risk.
  • Parental discretion advised, text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable.
  • No returns unless defective.
  • Keep away from sunlight.
  • Keep away from Bill Clinton.
  • Keep away from pets and small children.
  • Limit one per household.
  • No money down.
  • Instructions are included.
  • Action figures sold separately.
  • No preservatives added.
  • Safety goggles may be required.
  • Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken.
  • Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse.
  • For external use only.
  • If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading.
  • Use only with proper ventilation.
  • Avoid extreme temperatures.
  • Store in a cool dry place.
  • Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes.
  • Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
  • Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source.
  • Smoking this disclaimer could be hazardous to your health.
  • The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom.
  • No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added.
  • If ingested, do not induce vomiting.
  • If symptoms persist, consult a physician.
  • This disclaimer is ribbed for your pleasure.
  • Possible penalties for early withdrawal.
  • Offer valid only at participating web sites.
  • Allow four to six weeks for delivery.
  • This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.)
  • Other restrictions may apply.
  • Decision of judges is final.
  • This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
  • Do not tease, feed, or otherwise provoke.
  • This product attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.
  • If you do not know where your vagina is, please use a mirror.
  • The mass of this disclaimer contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
  • Care should be taken when lifting this disclaimer, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
  • There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
  • Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this disclaimer is and how fast it is moving.
  • The most fundamental particles in this disclaimer are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power cannot therefore be permanently guaranteed.
  • Despite any other listing of disclaimer contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this disclaimer consists of 99.999999999999% empty space.
  • This disclaimer contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.
  • According to certain suggested versions of a grand unified theory, the primary particles constituting this disclaimer may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
  • Any use of this disclaimer, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.
  • The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this disclaimer is ten-dimensional^ legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up" into such a small area that they cannot be detected.
  • The entire physical universe, including this disclaimer, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this disclaimer in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
  • Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this disclaimer, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
  • In the unlikely event that this disclaimer should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
  • Under penalty of law, this tag not to be removed except by consumer.
  • Use this product as a food supplement only. Do not use for weight reduction.
  • These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
  • This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
  • This disclaimer notice copied without permission from the author.
  • This disclaimer may not be copied or reproduced in any form without the expressed written consent of whoever we stole it from.
  • This supersedes all previous notices unless indicated otherwise.
  • Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T.
  • Linux is a registered trademark of Linus Torvalds.
  • Windows sucks.
  • Your mileage may vary.
  • Any similarity between our story and the classic children's fairy tale is purely coincidental.
  • This is not an official or government sponsored site.
  • Although every attempt is made to gather the most reliable and authentic data, we cannot fully guarantee the correctness or authenticity of the information.
  • The views expressed are solely those of the authors concerned and we do not necessarily endorse or subscribe to them.
  • The information regarding the requirement of services, stores and spares is gathered from data published by various agencies.
  • No claim is made as to the accuracy or authenticity of the content of the website.

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