* I won't say it's far, but I had to grease the wagon twice before I hit the main road.
* Busy as a funeral home fan in July.
* If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I couldn't get to the state line.
* We were so poor I had a tumbleweed as a pet.
* He looks like he was inside the outhouse when lightening struck.
* She looks like she was born down wind from the outhouse.

I'm not 50--I'm 18 with 32 years' experience...........:-)

"Veni, Vidi, Velcro" — I came, I saw, I stuck around…

1.Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport.
2.Tumor - More than one.

ahhhhhaha

A veteran of three wars who was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor is now facing an unlikely enemy — his neighbors.

Col. Van T. Barfoot, 90, has raised the Stars and Stripes every day at sunrise and lowered them every day at sunset since he served in the U.S. Army. But on Tuesday he received a letter from the law firm that represents his homeowners' association, ordering him to remove the flagpole from his Richmond, Va. yard by 5 p.m. on Friday or face "legal action."

It has suction cups instead of hands, two sets of tank-tracks instead of feet, and is strong enough to carry an adult up a steep flight of stairs.

story here