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Fourth Place:Remember Naughty.. I warned you

Billy Graham's Prayer For Our Nation
THIS MAN SURE HAS A GOOD VIEW OF WHAT'S HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY!
'Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics... We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!'

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

Hole in government's disaster relief net leaves 1,000 households dangling

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - Jaylynn Banks and her family have moved four times since the Cedar River burst its banks last June and flooded a huge swath of Cedar Rapids, including their neighborhood.

Their home, like those of hundreds of others here, is too damaged to inhabit, so they pay rent along with their mortgage, all on an annual income of about $20,000 after taxes. With their living situation in constant flux, Banks said they've been living day-to-day, unable to plan for the future.

In honor of the 44th President of the United States,

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter .

"What are you doing?"
She asked.

"Hunting Flies"
He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.

"Yep... 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,.............

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Harley Biker are
all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie
pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total',
says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want
the land to be forever fertile in Canada .' POOF! With the blink of
the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

What will they think of next?